Roadkill Goanna

Friday, July 28, 2006

Dozens killed in Habbo Hotel bombing


AS many as 100 Habbos are feared dead after an Israeli warplane bombed the Habbo Hotel in Beirut.

An air-to-surface missile ripped through the cosmopolitan meeting place, which is popular among young, educated Lebanese with far too much time on their hands, as hundreds of Habbos were admiring each other's taste in music, trading furniture and wondering if they could ever get laid at the online venue.

The scene outside the Habbo Hotel was one of carnage, with stray Habbo dogs feeding on bloody pixels that had been scattered across the street.

British Habbo ManUnitedRulez-764 (pictured), who was in Beirut on a cheap last-minute package holiday, said he was "gutted" and "sick as a parrot".

"It's bang out of order, innit?" ManUnitedRulez-764 said. "The travel agent told me Beirut was the new Paris of Asia or summat like that. And now look at the joint. It's a bleedin' joke. They're havin' a laugh, mate."

ManUnitedRulez-764 said that losing a "dead classy" sofa he had just acquired from a local Habbo just added to the pain of seeing the rest of his five-a-side football team shredded in a firestorm of white-hot metal.

Israeli Air Force spokesman Moshe ben Moshe apologised for the carnage, saying that intelligence reports had indicated that Hezbollah leader Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan was debating the merits of house music and gamma-hydroxy-butinol in the lobby.

In Australian reaction to the tragedy, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said that the government had given Australian Habbos plenty of opportunity to take a chartered ferry to Cyprus. Conservative columnists and radio hosts said that Habbos with dual Australian and Lebanese citizenship had to work out whose side they were really on.


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